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In and of itself, that statement isn’t groundbreaking; I’m sure we’ve all said it at some point or another (although if my son ever says it, he’s gonna sit in time-out).
No, I’m talking about different shit. I’m talking about shit that bothers me, but likely doesn’t bother anyone else. Yes, I know when I have a headache it doesn’t bother you at all; that’s not what I’m talking about.
If you know me in person you know that I’m not generally all that disagreeable; I often go along to get along, and even when I disagree I try to do it in as polite and considerate a way as possible (at least as the situation warrants). So even a lot of things that tend to bother lots of people don’t always get under my skin.
I’m a quirky individual. I say and do a lot of shit that makes perfect sense to me, but leaves others scratching their collective heads. Don’t worry; I’ve never left anyone scratching their “special place.” An unfortunate side effect of these quirks is that I get very irritated by certain things that don’t bother the vast majority of people; or at least, things that bother me for different reasons.
The easy thing to do would be to come up with a list of everything that pisses me off, but that wouldn’t be very interesting – after all, it’s not hard to find people who dislike rude drivers, people who pop their gum (Shelley!), noisy children, people who make cell phone calls at the movies, or hollandaise sauce with too much lemon.
Okay, maybe not that last one – but you get my point.
And so, here’s a list:
1. Whistling. I don’t mean a brief wolf whistle, I’m talking about whistling a tune. It absolutely drives me nuts, probably in part because it’s just plain annoying, but probably also because my ears are very sensitive to loud noises. Music that you like to jam to very likely causes me physical pain. It’s not because I’m old, my ears have always been sensitive to loud noises. My son has apparently inherited it from me. But all that aside, the sound of someone whistling a song irritates me to no end.
2. Singing along to the radio. This isn’t about hurting my ears, it’s about the fact that the reason I turned the goddamn radio on in the first place was because I wanted to hear the sonofabitch on the radio sing. When I want to hear YOU sing, I’ll turn YOU on. And yes, that’s what I meant.
3. Folding a magazine/map/newspaper over on itself. There’s no reason whatsoever for me to dislike this, except that it might damage the spine of the magazine, or it might not “lay” right afterward; both are really small potatoes. No, this is just a quirk of mine – my mind just tells me “it’s not supposed to be that way,” so it bothers me.
4. Refilling my tea without bringing me more lemon. I once wrote an entire rant on iced tea; I’ll try to post it here sometime. But when I order “iced tea with lemon,” and you refill my glass with iced tea and NO lemon, then you’re not quite giving me what I asked for. You don’t want me going into the kitchen to get it myself, did you? I didn’t think so.
5. Erasing a white board and leaving a tiny mark unerased. This borders on OCD, but I’ve seen it done so many times it’s almost painful. I’ll watch a teacher or professor erase the board and leave a single mark – perhaps a 1″ segment of a letter N off to the side – unerased, and not realize it. From that point on, I lose my focus; all I can see is the stray mark. If you’re going to bother erasing at all, please do a thorough job.
6. Being called a liar. Most people take some sort of offense to this, but I don’t think to the level that I do. I take great pride in speaking to people truthfully – indeed, if you ask me a question I don’t want to answer truthfully, I just won’t answer. My wife appreciates my honesty. With me, you have to be careful asking me a question, because you might not like the answer you get. But I do not, and will not, tell a lie to save your feelings or mine – just because YOU might do it, don’t accuse ME of it.
7. Kanye West. Sorry, I violated my rule above; I’m pretty sure he annoys just about everyone.
8. People who pick up groceries from a refrigerated/frozen case, then drop them off somewhere else. I completely understand that you changed your mind about buying the Rocky Road; but it’s not that fucking hard to put it back in the freezer. Don’t put it next to the bread where it’s going to melt. That’s a complete lack of effort and consideration. “It’s not mine, why should I worry about it?” Bugs the shit out of me.
9. Being rushed. The curious thing behind this is, I very often feel rushed, even though nobody’s rushing me. Shelley used to rush me – not really, but little shit like asking me, “Are you ready?” when I’m shopping. I knowshe’s not rushing me, it just feels like it. But since I’ve called her out on it, she doesn’t even do that anymore; but still, just seeing her standing there, however patiently, makes me feel like I need to hurry the fuck up, and I hate it.
10. Knowing there’s more that I want to say, but not being able to remember it. Oh, look out – I’m about to go off on someone….
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